woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
Randomize
