turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Randomize
