and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
