do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Randomize
