bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
