so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
