Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
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