The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
Randomize
