ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
Randomize
