dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
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