just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
