worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
