Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Randomize
