he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
