she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Randomize
