life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
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