So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Randomize