we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Randomize
