I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
Green mimosas i think yes
I think I have vodka in my lungs
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
