but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
