Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
Randomize
