My room smells like vodka and shame
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
