I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
Randomize
