I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
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