after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Randomize
