is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
i would one night stand the shit outta him
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
Randomize
