he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
Randomize
