Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize
