i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
