Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
Randomize
