after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
Randomize
