I smell stomach acid.
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Randomize
