Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Randomize
