like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
you never un-have a 4some
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
