yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
