What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
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