"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
