Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
Randomize
