Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
