i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
