Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Randomize
