Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
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