I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
Semen is not good for contacts.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize