Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
Randomize
