office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
