I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
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