Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
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