how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
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