hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Randomize
