What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
