i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
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