i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
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