none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Randomize
