Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
