ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
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