You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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