when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
Randomize
