I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
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