it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
Please don't give away my fajitas
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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